Italy, here I come!

So I just found out I got a full scholarship to participate in an internship on the Amalfi Coast of Italy next summer (May 15 - July 31). TOTALLY SIQQ. Not in a million years did I expect to get this opportunity. SO PUMPED. Anyway, thanks to everyone who supported my efforts to raise money for this trip by purchasing candy bars from me.

wooly bully

Hey maybe I'll start writing in this thing again. I have some things I need to vent about, and what's a better forum than the online journal I started 7 years about and only 2-3 people consistently keep up with?

Let me have a few days to gather my thoughts and then I would be glad to share them with you! Because I KNOW you are WAITING, at the EDGE OF YOUR SEAT, for me to give you the very details of my every thought and action. So to my adoring public, stay tuned!

  • Current Music
    the cure - just like heaven

(no subject)

I always feel like I understand things better than a lot of people. I think thats because I almost always try to look at all sides of a situation. One of the most frustrating things I think is to try to explain how you feel to someone. I can never find the right words. I get choked up very easily. I guess thats something I need to work on, but right now it would be easier to count the things I don't need to work on.

I was feeling very anxious and nervous today for many reasons so I went to my dad's shop to talk to him because he knows everything. I drove by and his car wasn't there, he was in the hopsital. I called him and he was just being released. In some ways it sucks that the only person I have left to talk to is my father, but in other ways its amazing. I was very close to my dad when I was younger and then we grew apart to the point where we didn't speak for almost a year. I worry about my dad a lot. I worry about everything a lot. I need a change. A big change.
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious

i'm terribly bored

but I don't feel like doing anything about it. I haven't had a car since about Christmas Eve. Well, I still have a car its just broken. And its taken a very very long time to fix. But hopefully it will be ready this week. Not having a car is a good thing and a bad thing. I don't care to discuss why.

I feel like reading a book but I can't figure out which one.

At the first sign of possible sorrow I’ll turn my heel and run

Usually in trying to make things better I'll inevitably make them worse. I miss being a kid. I miss feeling invincible. My dad is in and out of the hospital more and more. Two weeks ago he had an undetected blood clot in his leg that shot up to his lung causing his lung to partially collapse. He calls me while all of this is happening just to remind me to get the car through emissions. I'm so much like my dad. So much. and I'm glad. I am very glad that my dad is who he is and that I am like him.
I just want to feel secure.
So for right now my plans are to start taking classes somewhere. Maybe PG, maybe MC, or maybe UMUC. I just need to start somewhere and I want to start as soon as possible. The best way for me to do anything is to throw myself completely into it and work the details out later.

You can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around
And if you don't expect too much from me
You might not be let down

'Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you
  • Current Music
    gin blossoms- hey jealousy

(no subject)

sometimes i feel all mixed up and out of it. i think that im very heartless. but thats not really true. i'm very accepting of circumstances and consequences. at least i'd like to think i am. i usually gripe for a short while and then just do the best i can. theres just certain people that no matter what, i can't see myself without. no matter how shitty they've treated me or how shitty i've treated them. i dont know where this is all going. its late and i'm sleepy. when i sleep i dream about work and when i'm not sleeping i'm at work. sometimes i have really disturbing dreams. i'm very, very afraid of hurting people. especially people that mean a lot to me.